Metamorph
by DreamersMyth27
Summary: 5 times Robin almost came out, and 1 time Robin did.


**So, not everyone is gonna like this idea. That's cool. If you don't like it, don't read. Simple as that. Don't flame, duh. In this fic, Robin is a trans girl. Not canon, but it was interesting to write. I personally am not transgender, and as such, will not be perfect at portrayals of transgender individuals in this.**

 **Warnings For: Mild Dysphoria. Mild Homophobia, maybe.**

 **Enjoy! Tell me what you think!**

 **Edited 12/31/18**

* * *

1.

When he's eight years old he has a friend named Susan. Susan is ten. Susan's parents are roustabouts. One day he goes to play with Susan and her hair is buzzed off and she's in overalls. She looks like a boy. He points this out.

"I am a boy," she says simply.

Dick nods his head. This makes perfect sense to him. He's still young enough that the only difference between girls and boys is short hair vs long hair.

"Okay. Do you wanna go play in the mud?"

And that's that.

Two weeks after Susan (Who's being called Sam now) comes out of his trailer with overalls and short hair, he comes out again in a dress. When Dick asks about it, Sam tells him that his dad doesn't like his daughter playing like a boy.

This confuses Dick. "But you're a boy," he says. "You're not a girl."

Sam nods his head. "I know. Mommy says that daddy just doesn't understand that yet."

"Oh, okay." Dick pauses. "So you have to pretend to be a girl until he does?"

Sam nods his head. "Yup."

Three weeks after that, Sam is gone and so is his mom. His dad is still in the circus. When Dick asks his parents about it, they tell him that Sam's dad didn't understand, so Sam and his mom left.

Dick misses Sam, who was his very best friend besides his cousin. Sam was the only person who would play dolls with Dick. And in the mud. And dress up. And all sorts of things.

Once Sam's been gone for a few months and after Dick turns nine and Sam visits.

Sam and his mom are coming to talk to his dad about something, and Sam decides to visit Dick. Dick almost doesn't recognize Sam, because now Sam's hair is shaggy and he's wearing a Superman t-shirt and ripped jeans.

He looks a lot happier than he did when he had to pretend to be a girl, and he and Dick play in the mud some more before Dick asks if they can switch over to dolls.

"Sure," Sam says. Then he bites his lip.

"What is it?" Dick asks. It's been a while since he saw Sam, but he knows that when his friend bites his lip, it means he has a question he doesn't want to ask.

Sam sighs. "Why do you like playing dolls?" he finally asks.

Dick furrows his brows. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just," Sam pauses and seems to be finding the right words. "Dolls are more for girls."

"You're a boy, and you like dolls," Dick points out. "Why can't I?"

"I used to be a girl though," Sam says. "And I never really did. You liked them and I played with you."

"You said you were a boy though," Dick accuses. "How can you have been a girl once?"

Sam seems to think about his answer. "Well, I guess I never was a girl. It's hard to explain. You'll understand when you're eleven."

"I want to know now," Dick pouts. "But… I won't beg if we can go play dolls!"

Sam laughs. "Okay. Do you still have the ones I gave you?"

"Yes!"

After Sam leaves, Dick starts to wonder. Sam was a boy, but people thought he was a girl. Does that happen to other people? Are there some girls who people think are boys?

And once he's wondering, he can't stop. How do people even know if they're a boy or girl if people keep telling them wrong?

After a long time (Only a few weeks, but that is a long time for a nine-year-old) he decides that since Sam can be a boy he can be a girl. Being a girl sounds better than being a boy anyways. Girls get long hair and to be pretty and to wear dresses.

Dick decides to tell his family that he wants to be a girl right before their first show in Gotham City.

"Mama, can I tell you something?" he asks, right before they go onstage.

She looks down at him with a wide smile and ruffles his hair. "Of course my handsome boy."

Dick feels something in him sink and he changes his mind. He can tell them after the show.

"I love you, mama."

She looks at him a little strangely, but leans down and kisses his forehead nevertheless.

"And I you, little Robin."

* * *

2.

After Bruce adopts him, he's already a little more aware of things. The month he spent in the juvenile detention center had taught him a few things. He wasn't supposed to act girly. He couldn't play with dolls. Doing his hair was bad. Smiling and being nice was frowned upon.

And most importantly; being a girl or a boy isn't something you choose. You're born as one. You don't choose.

This makes him wonder what was going on with Sam then, because Sam used to be a girl, then decided to be a boy. He can't help but think Sam was probably lying to him or something. That hurts because Sam was his best friend besides his cousin John.

After he finds out Bruce is Batman and helps catch Tony Zucco, he asks for help finding Sam. Maybe he -or is it she?- can help explain to him what he's feeling. Why he wants to be a girl so very badly now.

When Bruce gives him an address for his friend in Metropolis, he begs and begs to be allowed to visit. Bruce eventually gives in, and by the time he knocks on Sam's door, he's ten.

The door is answered by a boy with a head full of dreadlocks and plain clothes. The boy grins when he sees him and launches forward in a hug.

"Dick!" he exclaims. "You're here! Is the circus in town? Where are your parents? Are they in that car waiting on the street?"

Dick smiles, feeling brighter than he has in a long time, since catching Zucco. Then it all crashes down, and he realizes he'll have to tell Sam and Sam's mom what happened to his family.

"Um, no, they're not here. Is your mom home?"

Sam looks at him, demanding an answer. He doesn't say anything though.

"Yeah," Sam finally sighs. "She's cooking lunch. Are you able to stay?"

Dick nods his head. "For a bit."

"Well, come on in," Sam invites, moving aside.

Dick enters, feeling awkward. He follows Sam into a tiny kitchenette and sees Sam's mother over the stove, pouring a box of mac-n-cheese into a pot.

"Dick!" she exclaims. "How are you, sweetie? Where are your parents?"

His smile falters again.

"Honey, what's wrong?" she asks. "Is everything okay?"

He shakes his head, then nods it. "My-my family died," he chokes out. "About a year ago."

Suddenly Sam's mom is right in front of him, and her arms are wrapped around him "Oh, Dickie. I'm so sorry."

He lets her hug him but makes no move to return it. Sam stands off to the side, face frozen.

"Do you need a place to stay?" she asks. "We'd be happy to have you."

He shakes his head. "No. I was adopted. I just, I wanted to tell you, and to see Sam."

Her eyes are filled with tears, but she manages a soft smile. "That's good. You can come to visit us anytime, you know."

He nods his head.

"Now run along," she orders. "I've got to finish the food. You're able to stay for a bit?"

He understands why she asks them to go. Her and his mom were best friends. They pretty much grew up together. She's basically his aunt. She wants some time alone to process.

"Come on," Sam mutters, grabbing his sleeve. "I'll show you my room."

He lets Sam drag him down a narrow hallway and into a tiny room. The walls are covered in posters of various superheroes, including one of Batman and Robin. It's painted a pale blue, and there is a small baseball trophy on the corner of a desk. The bedsheets are black, except for a single red cross.

"Cool room," he says.

"Yeah," Sam agrees. "My dad got me the bedsheets. He's still weirded out by me being a boy, but he's getting better."

Dick fidgets at the mention of the reason he came, and of course, Sam notices.

"What?"

Dick takes a deep breath. "I just, I don't understand." At Sam's crestfallen expression, he backtracks. "I know you're a boy. I believe you." Really, how could he not now? "I just want to understand how you know, because I don't."

Sam's expression becomes pondering. He taps his chin. "I just do," he finally says. "When I had to wear dresses and have long hair and play with dolls I hated it. And being called 'she' or 'Susan' just felt wrong."

Dick nods his head. He still isn't sure he understands.

"Why? Did you want to know, I mean?"

Dick shrugs. "I just was wondering." He considers for a moment, then decides it's safe to tell Sam what he's been thinking about. "Before they died, I was going to tell my parents I wanted to be a girl."

Sam's eyebrows shoot up, but he doesn't say anything. Dick takes this as a sign that it's safe to continue.

"The thing is, I don't know. Maybe it was just a kid thing." He waves his hand around.

"What about now? Do you still want to be a girl?" Sam asks.

"I don't know," Dick admits. "How do I know if I do or not?"

"Well, I remember my name always felt wrong. Does your ever?"

Dick shakes his head. "No. I like my name. My parents gave it to me."

"Okay. Does it ever feel like you're in the wrong body? Or you're supposed to look different?" Sam asks.

"Sometimes. I like how I look, but long hair would be nice. I look like my mom," Dick says.

Sam nods his head like he's thinking hard. "Most of all though, it's just how you feel. Do you feel like you're supposed to be a girl?"

Dick stares at his feet. All the lessons he was taught in juvie are running through his head. Sneers about being a sissy that he received multiple times go through his brain.

But… all of that doesn't matter. He knows what he wants.

"Yes," he whispers. "I do."

"Then it's as simple as that." Sam shrugs. "Hey, do you have an email? I do, and it'd be nice to stay in touch."

"Yeah. I can give it to you before I leave."

Sam beams. "Perfect!"

When Dick enters Bruce's car after eating lunch and chatting for a few hours, she feels brave. She knows what she wants, and she's ready to tell Bruce. He'll accept her, she's sure.

"Was it nice?" he asks.

She buckles herself up. "Yeah. It was good."

She takes a deep breath, ready to tell Bruce what she knows.

"You know, I'm glad you're my partner, chum," Bruce says.

The entire speech she has prepared freezes. 'Chum' is what Bruce's father called him. And it means Bruce sees her as a son. And she wants to tell Bruce the truth, she does, but she also doesn't want to ruin anything.

She can live with being a boy for a while until Bruce is ready to hear she's a girl. It won't hurt too much.

* * *

3.

Barbara is her best friend in the world. She likes her even more than Sam. Maybe it's because Barbara's a girl. Or because Barbara is the only one at school who doesn't give her a hard time about not being born rich.

Barbara herself is a scholarship student. She works hard to stay at the best school in Gotham. She deserves it. Dick is so glad to know her.

One day, when she's eleven, she's over at Barbara's house for a sleepover.

They're sitting on the floor in the living room working on math worksheets and English papers at the same time.

Everything is quiet. Everything feels perfect, and she decides that she can tell Barbara. She'll listen. She'll understand that Dick's a girl.

"Babs?"

"Yeah, Dick?"

Barbara doesn't look up from the numbers she's scratching out on scrap paper.

Dick opens her mouth to start telling Barbara, but before she can do anything other than begin to move her tongue there's a series of loud thuds on the stairs.

Commissioner Gordon comes down the stairs.

"I've got to head out," he apologizes. "The precinct called about a new case."

Barbara looks up from her homework. "Okay, daddy. You'll be home before bed?"

Commissioner Gordon nods his head, then leans down to kiss Barbara's forehead. "I promise." He straightens up and gives Dick a firm look. Basically, the look says 'Protect my daughter'. He's never said, and probably never will, but Dick's pretty sure he knows her and Bruce are the caped crusaders of Gotham.

"See you, son," he says to Dick.

Something hard settles in her stomach.

"Bye, Mr. Gordon," she says politely.

As soon as the front door slams shut, Barbara hops onto her feet.

"Let's go play a game," she says.

Dick hops to her feet. "Okay," she agrees easily. She can tell Barbara some other time. It won't kill her to wait.

* * *

4.

Wally is everything she imagined he would be when she meets him. He's loud, fast, funny, and cool. They become best pals fast, and she even tells him her identity (The one the whole world knows her by). He starts to run over to the Manor for random sleepovers and visits, something Bruce tolerates for her.

She works hard to learn as much as she can about him before deciding to tell. It's at one of their sleepovers at his house that she's about to tell him that she's a girl. She gets as far as opening her mouth before she changes her mind.

Some random show is on TV, and one of the characters, a guy, has to dress up like a girl to save his girlfriend. Wally is guffawing at the sight of a guy in a dress. Suddenly her twelve-year-old mind is sure that Wally will laugh at her.

She knows it's not logical. She knows Wally wouldn't do that. Still. She doesn't need to tell him.

* * *

5.

The day after New Years, there are a lot of conflicting emotions going through her head. A _lot_. Zatanna kissed her. And she kissed back. And she liked it. She liked the taste of the magician's cherry lip gloss and she liked her long raven hair. And she thinks Zatanna is _beautiful_.

It's confusing though, and she spends a lot of time in her room the next day thinking. Zatanna is great, and no matter how much she tries to stay focused on the matter at hand, she can't help but keep getting distracted thinking about how it might feel to kiss Zatanna again.

She's not dumb. She knows that girls can like girls. But somehow she never thought that's what applies to her. Then again, she's never liked anyone like she likes Zatanna. Suddenly it's more okay.

When she goes to the mountain the next day, she and Zatanna get talking. And that's when she finds out Zatanna used to go to a private _Catholic_ school.

Maybe telling Zatanna isn't the best idea.

* * *

+1

Alfred has always been the most observant in the Manor. Bruce holds the title of 'World's Greatest Detective', but Alfred is the one who deserves it. Looking back, she thinks he's probably known to some extent since the beginning. The only reason she even discovers he knows now is when he mentions something. A new club at her school.

You put your name down and start to trade letters anonymously to other teens at school who haven't or aren't able to come out.

When Alfred first explains this and then tells her he thinks she should join, she gapes. It only takes a moment for her to snap her mouth shut.

"Alfred," she begins, but he holds up a finger to shush her.

"There's no reason to fear, Miss Richard."

Her head starts to spin. She manages to choke out "How did you know?"

Alfred smiles softly. "My dear, I may be old, but I am not a fool. Even Master Bruce knows something, though I am not sure how much. He is waiting for you to tell him."

Her heart feels warm, and suddenly everything seems to click into place. She throws her arms around Alfred.

"Thanks, Alfie."


End file.
